Something For The Weekend

Ask Uncle Ning...

Claire from Bow asked our relationship and advice-in-general guru, Uncle Ning, exactly what she could do this weekend with her elderly gran.  Let's see what Ning pulled out of the bag...

"So the old fossil is coming to visit you for tea and scones. Yeah Whatever!

You should first crack off the night at The Medieval Banquet, with unlimited Beer and wine. That should really get her happy and she will feel right at home with the other crony's from the Victorian Age. Once she's pulled the falsies out and tucked into the four course banquet she'll have energy to burn.

Next stop, Ibiza Spain. Defected in the house @ Pacha - Ibiza Clubbing 2006. If she complains about her hip then just hand her a whiskey and send her up to the dance floor to bust some moves with the house legends like Junior Jack & Kid Crème, Sandy Rivera, Simon Dunmore, Shovell and Trevor Nelson. Book tickets before you go to skip queues and ensure discounts

Pop out of the club around 5am, if you can tear your Gran away from Raul the pool boy, and catch the stunning Spanish sunrise while chowing down on a Spanish Omelette at the local eatery. Get yourself back to London for a two for the price of one Floatation Tank Experience where you and your granny can recover and reflect on living every lastminute.com."

Er, thanks Uncle Ning. No shameless plugging there at all, is there...

strangers with angelic faces...

Catch it before it closes - Tijuana Organic: Women's Border Realities presents artists and projects from Tijuana, Mexico.

Ever wondered what really goes on in the city that acts as a magnet for thousands of migrants, criminals and illegal workers, all hoping to cross the border? This exhibition reveals the harsh realities of life in Tijuana, Mexico.  See real photographic evidence of the sometimes brutal life in this busy and notorious border city, and witness a woman's incredible experiences within its culture.

Tijuana Organic reflects the dynamic cultural scene that has emerged from this tumultuous environment, using a diverse range of media including photography, painting, installation and new media to explore questions of female identity and the evolving role of women in Mexican society.

This exhibition suggests that life is too complex to be reduced to categories, whether they be feminist, immigrant, man, victim, or border, and so includes work that addresses the apparently everyday, common and trivial, making the universal a reflection of the infinite possibility of the human experience.

DON'T MISS. CLOSES ON FRIDAY

exterminate Walthamstow...

As if East 17 weren't bad enough, now the dreaded Daleks are set to invade Walthamstow...

As part of the summer’s town centre festivities, The McGuffin Film Society are hosting their fourth annual Open Air Cinema event to be held in the town square and gardens.

As well as a screening of the film ‘Daleks: Invasion Earth 2150 A.D.’ starring screen legend Peter Cushing, the event will feature a chance for kids to meet the Daleks themselves and competitions to win a bunch of prizes. There will also be a picnic area and licensed bar, plus live music courtesy of Motherfunk, a sensational 10-piece 60s soul band, (apparently).

Get yourselves down to Walthamstow Town Square and Gardens on Friday 18 August from 8pm. Admission is free. For full details click here

tournament at the tower...

Ever wanted a gallant knight to rescue you from a tower, climb up your gorgeous golden locks and sweep you into his arms, whispering words of love into your ear?

Well, we can't perform miracles, but we can let you know where to find a knight. The rest is up to you.

This Saturday and Sunday, we're stepping back to the summer of 1467 at the Tower of London.  Horses will be snorting, men will be armoured up to the nines and crowds of prospective pricesses will be watching in awe, intent on discovering a new hero.

As swords clash and painted shields reflect in the sunshine (hopefully!) will you be rooting for the home team, led by the Queen's brother Lord Scales, or the visiting Cavaliers of Burgundy?

Don't forget your smocks.

10.45 - 11.15 First performance
12.45 - 13.15 Second performance
15.45 - 16.15 Third Performance 

Shoot Clerkenwell...

Forget challenge Anneka, anyone who's anyone with a fetching jumpsuit and helicopter will be at Shoot Clerkenwell this Sunday - a photographic treasure hunt that'll see you zooming round town on foot, or on public transport or (as they suggest) bicycles - taking the most creative photos possible.

Armed with a treasure map you'll be ushered out into the wilderness, in charge of finding 10+ items and photographing them, and GUESS WHAT, there are prizes for the teams who take the best photos.

The shoot begins at T Bar with briefing at 11:15 (whistle blows at noon). After that you'll spend a furious five hours hunting for treasures and taking the most creative photos you can on your digital cameras. Back at T Bar, the judges will look at your pictures, they'll even give you a lovely drink and maybe a prize. Oooh, exciting eh?  Plus you get to meet some nice people and explore London. 

OK so you don't get to fly a helicopter but hey, those things are so 1983...

DIY Singapore Chilli Crabs...

Feeling a little crabby? You could do worse than to head East this weekend for the Singapore Chilli Crab festival.  Also taking place in NYC it's a great way to get your summer seafood fix while soaking up the brilliant vibe of Brick Lane and its surrounding restaurants and bars.

The first ever Singapore Chilli Crab was concocted by a great local cook by the name of Madam Cer Yam Tian in the 1950's. She and her husband (who probably did nothing - girl power!) set about selling the 'fresh-from-the-sea' specialties from a humble stall on the seashore, and everyone fell in love with her recipe. Aaaah, a beautiful tale.

This weekend, people-watch as the hipsters struggle to keep their cool while slurping soft crabmeat from the shell, sipping chilled beer, ogling at the Chinese magic displays and perhaps even lion dancing, whatever that may be.  Oh and excitingly, ladies, the usual market will be replaced by a more Singaporean affair. Get your saris in quick. Pssst, the Vibe Bar is where it's at, by the way... get there early for a decent bench outside.

When? Sat 5 & Sun 6 Aug (12pm)
Where? The Vibe Bar (Old Truman Brewery, 91 Brick Lane, E1
Tube: Liverpool Street

If per chance you're a big cheap-skate, or can't be bothered to trek East for your crab feast, why not make your own with Chef Alvin Tan's easy to follow (?) recipe...

You need:
3 tablespoons fresh garlic
2 tablespoons fresh ginger
1 teaspoon fresh lemongrass
1/2 medium onion
8 tablespoons oil
2 fresh red chillies
3/4 cup tomato sauce
1/4 cup sweet chilli sauce
1 1/2 teaspoons salt
1 1/2 tablespoons sugar
2 1/4 cups water
4 fresh blue swimmer crab (cleaned & halved)
(or 2 x 800g mud crab, quartered & claws lightly smashed)
1 egg beaten
4 slices white bread, toasted

Method:
Blend the garlic, ginger, lemongrass, onion and chillies to a fine paste, using 1/2 cup of water to moisten the mix. Heat oil in large wok or pot. Add the blended ingredients and fry until fragrant. Add the tomato sauce, chilli sauce, salt, sugar and water. Stir, and when it comes to the boil, add the crab. Allow to simmer, cover and stir occasionally for approximately 10 to 15 minutes. (Mud crab will take an extra 5 minutes).

Turn off the heat, add the beaten egg to sauce and mix well.

Serving Suggestion: Serve with triangles of toast to mop up the sauce.

(Recipe taken from www.abc.net.au/sydney/stories/s285632.htm)

Becky on: lending a hand...

Masturbate-a-Thon 2006

It might not come as a surprise to learn that this day of sexual silliness originated in America. Well, they're not exactly reknowned for being shy over there are they?  Now it's bodily fluids abound in Britain too as the wank-a-thon comes to London.  It's no hand job too small in Clerkenwell this Saturday as men and women "struggle" to beat the world record for the longest wank, which, in case you're wondering, currently stands at an undoubtedly painful eight and a half hours. Yeeeooow.

It's all perfectly safe.  It's not (so they say) the mighty orgy you might expect. Actually it's all in the name of charity.  Hmmm... ironic isn't it, that a truck load of (ahem) fluids, in one relatively small area is supposed to highlight the message of practicing safe-sex.  Well, what I mean is, it's not usually at its safest when your doing the unspeakables next to twenty nine other randoms you've never met before.Still, there's logic in there somewhere I'm sure, as well as one hefty load of lube.

No cheaters allowed, (tut, as if!). Seriously, if you're a bit of a faker you won't get away with it here - they've got 'experts' on hand (no pun intended) to make sure every orgasmic explosion is real. So no hiding frogspawn in your pockets lads, and ladies, no Harry Met Sally outbursts in the name of drama.  They'll be onto you like a Rampant Rabbit on Duracell.

The whole thing's being filmed for Channel 4 and they're planning to broadcast it later in the year. So if you're sick of that filty so and so bragging about his assets, get him to put his money where his, errrr, member is, and cough up the tenner to enter.  He might just be the next BIG thing.

The Masturbation Marathon London event takes place at Drop Studios, Clerkenwell on Saturday 5th August. The Channel 4 Wank-a-thon TV programme will be aired at a later date.

For further information contact [email protected]

Free entertainment at the National...

This week at Watch This Space

 

Tandem– Strangelings
Wednesday 2 August 1.15pm and 6.30pm and Thursday 3 August 6.30pm pm
Two men, a tandem, a trunk and some unfeasibly long shoes. Daredevil trick-cycling, achingly beautiful acrobalance and a never before attempted escape from a double straitjacket. Contains scenes of middle-aged semi-nudity.

Arquiem – Periplum
Thursday 3, Friday 4 and Saturday 5 August 10pm
Outdoor promenade performance. Night is falling. A medieval cart is wheeled through town. A young man is taken to his final judgement. Inspired by William Blake, featuring music, stilts, pyrotechnics and acrobatics to tell the tale of a sad hero’s demise.

Tommaso Starace Quartet
Friday 4 August 1pm
Talented Italian saxophonist performs beautifully melodic retro-jazz compositions.

Daby Balde
Friday 4 August 6.15pm
Strikingly rich and beautiful melodies, captivating vocals and a repertoire that ranges from euphoric to melancholic – Senegalese rising star.

A Day to Play
Saturday 5 August 1pm – 7.15pm
An afternoon of fantastic free family entertainment.

Bernie Bennett Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it’s a superhero on the high wire! Robin Retired (or a Long day’s Journey into tights) – Markmark Productions’ lively and uproarious take on Nottingham’s finest. Dragon Heart Beats – Positive Productions’ percussive metallic dragon visits the Square. Look out for some special visitors as Comic Character Creations’ Spacemen boldly go where no man has been before. the Crazy Tramps bounce into the Square with high-flying trampoline antics. Pick up some fashion tips with a sartorial visit to Stuff and Thing’s Carpet Man & Lino Boy. Throughout the day, there’s a chance to pick up some circus skills with Dr Colin’s Circus Box, as well as craft workshops with Makendoo. And be sure to look in at Wunderkammer – miniature journeys of illusion within magical ‘Wonder Cabinets’.

Bring & Share at Late Lounge
The National’s late-night DJ bar is open Fridays and Saturdays 10pm – 1am. This Friday sees Letric Lady on the decks, with Rob Boy Right on Saturday.

we can save your weekend...

Jennifer Dale takes a look at what this weekend has in store...

The great British weather. Don’t you just love it? For 10 of the 12 months in a year we trundle through busy streets with our soggy trouser bottoms, broken umbrellas and newspapers that are no longer legible thanks to the rain dissolving the paper into a sodden mass of wet mush. We do nothing but complain whilst the weather is like this.

We moan and wish with all our heart that we could be abroad in Spain, where you don’t have to wear thermal underwear to keep warm, or turn the heating up on to full. Yet, on the very rare occasion that we do have some glorious sunshine gracing our streets, all we do again is complain that its too hot on the tube and that buses should be installed with air con.

So what is our problem? Will we ever be satisfied with our country’s climate? Well, it’s about time that we embrace the heat, start loving the ice cream, and strip off to our bikinis and Speedos! People of Britain, I challenge you this weekend to love the sun! And to help you on your way, here is my list of top 5 outdoor events to enjoy over the next four days, before it’s too late and the heavens open once again…

At number 5…
It’s the Boursin Summer Picnic in Finsbury Park this Saturday 29th and Sunday 30th July, where you can sample some new Boursin cheeses, bringing a slice of France to London this summer. As well as sampling cheese, you can enjoy traditional French music and have a go at French mini boules if that tickles your fancy. You can also indulge in some gourmet French cuisine; perfect for relaxing in this gorgeous summer sun.

At number 4…
It’s the Regent’s Park Open Air Theatre. This weekend why not take in a bit of British culture with A Midsummer Night’s Dream? It’s being shown on Saturday 29th and Monday 31st July in the Park, and if you are searching for things to do with the kids during the summer holidays, then many of the productions put on during the open air theatre festival are child-friendly.

Here you have an opportunity to enjoy exciting new shows whilst making the most of the weather. With a variety of productions taking place at this unique London venue, there’s every reason to head outside for sun and theatre fun.

At number 3…
It’s the London Lidos. If you really are suffering from the heat and desperately need to cool down, then there is nothing better than going to your local lido for a quick dip. It’s the old school way to keep cool, and with so many around you’d be mad to miss out on them! Some in the London area include: Brockwell Park Lido - Dulwich, Tooting Bec Lido, Hornsey Park Road Lido – Hornsey, Hampton Heated Open Air Pool, Parliament Hill Lido - Hampstead Heath, Serpentine Lido - Hyde Park and Oasis Swimming Pool – Camden.

At number 2…
It’s the Ealing Jazz Festival at Walpole Park. This whole event is absolutely free and consists of jazz, jazz and more jazz all weekend long, starting at 2pm on both Saturday 29th and Sunday 30th July. It features a massive line up of famous artists from across the world, including Ray Gelato, Ken Baldock, Claire Davies and John Bennet. A wide range of jazz styles will be served up for you to chill out and relax to in the summer sun, and jazz fans will definitely not want to miss out on this fantastic event.

At number 1…
It’s the Ben & Jerry’s Summer Sundae Festival! Clapham common will be bursting at the seams with people, rides, music and ice cream, as Ben & Jerry’s hits West London. There will be fairground rides like the helter skelter and coconut shy, plus the chance to suggest a new ice cream flavour to Ben & Jerry’s HQ. There will also be the opportunity to try some brand new Ben & Jerry’s ice creams, including Glastonberry, Oh My! Apple Pie, and Chocolate Therapy, alongside some frozen yoghurts too! And on top of all this there will be music from artists such as Nerina Pallot, Jose Gonzalez, Breaks co-op and Badly Drawn Boy. So buy your ticket quick before they all sell out, as this is NOT to be missed!

Rod and Nicky Speak...

We took some time out to have a chat with a couple more stars from Avenue Q, flatmates Rod and Nicky. Bless them, they do like to bicker.  But hey, you know there's love underneath...

Q. So guys, how long have you been best buddies for now? How did you meet?

Nicky: We’ve been buddies for six years now, and roomies for four.
`
Rod: Nicky delivered sandwiches to my office, but Nicky being Nicky, they were the wrong kind so we talked for hours about pastrami… buddies ever since.

Q. Rod, do you have your eye on anyone in particular at the moment – who doesn’t live in Canada?

Rod: Well, I find Tony Blair a very attractive man, and I would just love to know where he gets those snappy suits from.

Q. Rod, if Nicky did move out, who else on the street do you think you could live with and why?

Rod: I guess I would like to live with Kate, cos she is such a great fluffy gal pal and we do enjoy our sudoku evenings.

Q. Who inspires you both the most?

Rod: David Hassellhoff inspires me more than anyone, I mean, he wears trunks like no other man! I met him at our press night and he was just delightful, and taught me how to run in slow motion.

Nicky: Well, I love my comics so it would have to be Batman.

Q. Where did you go on holiday last?

Rod: We went to Disneyland – it was fabulous. They say it’s a great place for kids and Nicky had a fantastic time.

Nicky: Man, I loved that Dumbo ride.

Q. What do you both love the most about New York?

Rod: I love skipping around Times Square and taking in all the shows.

Nicky: Where else in the world would you find a hot dog stand at every corner?

Rod: And where else would you find a guy who stops at every one?

Nicky:  Mmm hotdogs!

Q. Rod, we heard you like knitting, what’s the last thing you knitted?

Rod: I met this charming lady from Warwick, Dora, who is teaching me to knit those teapot cosy things that you British people use all the time– I think they’re so cute!

Q. Who do you both find most attractive, Lucy or Kate Monster?

Rod: Lucy is faaaabulous and has such amazing style but –

Nicky: Yeah, Kate is a beautiful person inside and out.

Q. Where do you think you’ll move to if you become rich or famous?

Nicky: I would love a beach house on Venice Beach, lazing under the su nand watching the girls go by. And man do they have great hotdogs!

Rod: Definitely San Francisco, for the amazing tram system.