The temptation to lock yourself indoors is great... after all, those Big Brother freaks are live and kicking 24/7 on the telly – that’s enough entertainment to keep your ass on the sofa and your mouth round a bottle of cheap red wine. Isn’t it? Besides, there's a whole other load of fun stuff you were planning to do this Bank Holiday weekend too....
What you were planning:
Wake up at noon, drag hungover ass out of bed whilst fighting a duvet with a life of its own, fall on the floor in a heap of garlic sauce and curse the moment you drunkenly decided to finish your kebab in bed.
What you could do instead:
Wake up early in a hotel you chose yourself and praise the dawn as it breaks in a glorious display of orange light through the crystal clear glass in your window. Get your sunny and radient self down to a theme park. Thorpe Park is offering an amazing discount of up to £13.50 at the mo, but will it be full of people out on Family Theme Park Breaks? Who knows, still, Chessington World of Adventures is a pretty safe bet if you're after a day of thrills and spills that for once, aren't of the condiment kind.
What you were planning:
Dig out the o
nly unused bowl in the entire flat, which consequently now acts as a home for an entirely new breed of funghi, pour the contents of your fridge into said vessel, cover with old milk and enjoy in front of the only episode of FRIENDS that you've seen less than 15 times.
What you could do instead:
Leave the bowl where it is and get your food kicks at Cadbury World - heaven for the choco-holics, hell for the Nicole Ritchie-esque rib exposers for whom the mere mention of the word calorie mean s dashing finger-in-throat for the nearest toilet. From just £9.50 you can eat yourself Pacman style through interactive zones and get the chance to get touchy feely with real liquidy Cadburys chocolate. You never liked those hip bones anyway...
What you were planning:
Open your bottle of cheap supermarket brand vin rouge and consume entire bottle, thinking it tastes really nice yet oblivious to the fact you've just downed your flatmate's Vintage 1978. Your excuse: The blinding tears in your eyes due to mourning the loss of the latest BB candidate.
What you could do instead:
Hang out with the people who know the difference between quality and quantity at Vinopolis, now 2 for 1 and just £15. With an array of wordly wines, plus beer, whiskey, gin and absinthe inside you, you won't give a flying cork when you see your favourite jeans burning ferociously on the hob as your flatmate waves her empty wine bottle in your face.
What you were planning:
Having watched the FINAL of American Idol, wander aimlessly and semi-naked round flat in un-washed PJ bottoms and one fuzzy slipper in search of a new religion. Run fingers through un-brushed hair, tongue round un-cleaned teeth and ponder the merits of a bath versus another sing-along in front of the mirror - JUST TO MAKE SURE you're definitely not the next talent show TV star.
What you could do instead:
Get these talent shows out of your system and sort yourself out properly with a Sunday night mini spa break at Rowhill Grange. I know it’s £135 but to be honest with you, you could spend that in one trolley dash round TopShop/Threshers and what’s gonna benefit you more in the long run? Ditch those manky PJ's and get some Sunday night pampering that doesn't involve wrapping yourself in the sofa cushions with some withering cucumber slices over your eyes.
What you were planning:
Lock yourself in the bathroom, run the iron under the door, turn the hot taps on full blast, crank up your summer 'choons' and bask naked on the toilet seat in your self-made steam room.
What you could do instead:
Honour several African tribes with no water (and save your own bills) by treating yourself and a mate to an Exotic Steam Rasul pampering for two at Elemis Day Spa. Now that you can save £30 for a limited time only, it’s only £60. There's really no excuse not to leave the flat for this one.
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