Something For The Weekend

if you've got it, flaunt it. If you haven't, get off!

It's gonna be a tough one this year - they're already battling it out like fire-breathing dragons and on Saturday we lost all nineteen members of ugly-but-tuneful The Unconventionals.  OK, nineteen's an exaggerration but still, if they thought they could win by dragging up every aunt, uncle, neice, nephew and long cousin and putting a song together, they had another thing coming.

We're now left with an odd bunch indeed, and in my opinion, none of them match the talents of Will Young, that strange dustbin man from last year, or American Idol winners Kelly Clarkson, Carrie Underwood or Fantasia. America's a big country though. We have slimmer pickings. Still, in Simon's Group (16-24s) there is some hope...

Not in Ashley however, who sings like someone's put a peg on his nose and a stick up his bum.  Plus, he has a pretty miserable attitude, so we vote him off next. Raymond, although the youngest of the bunch murdered Jackson's Ben. Just coz he's a kid doesn't mean he should sing cheesy kid songs,... (tut). He won't last long unless they give him a meatier number to chew on, Sinatra for example,... he obviously wants to be the next "Probably working in McDonalds coz no one bought his album" Gareth Gates. Errr, why?

Nikita's pretty cool, although could we please lose the sob stories? OK so she's been through a hard time but so has half of Britain. Pity doesn't sell records.  Talent does - something which we reckon Leona has oodles of.  She's gorgeous, sweet and sings like an angel. Plus she's the bookie's favourite to win and I voted for her because I'd had two glasses of wine by then. Yay Leona!

In Sharon's group, (over 25s) it's sad to say but there's only one winner for us, and that's Ben, the rocker with the stupid hair. Lose the hair and unleash that personality, that's what we say. Ben's got a cute smile and Sting/Bon Jovi sound that takes us back to bed-jumping and singing into a hairbrush, the first time leggings were in fashion. Well, we suppose Kerry's an interesting case. Having been in a wheelchair for years, singing has always been her dream, and she plans to find different ways of singing, ie, getting carried by hot men, sprawling in a piano, etc etc. It's nice to have her in the competition, and sure, we're rooting for her, but she doesn't really have a memorable voice and rather looks like a teacher. As for Robert, he's nothing we haven't seen before, in fact, I can't even remember too much about him, and while Dionne is cool, last year's Brenda had the same sort of style and was miles better. So it's Ben all the way if Sharon's gonna win. Yay Ben!

Loui's group, (the groups), are quite frankly, all excruitiangly boring this year. Having lost The Unconventionals we're left with three uninspiring boy bands and let's face it, does Britain really need another boy band? Did we even need another one after Take That, while we're on the subject? Hmmm. Anyway, the gay guy, Anthony, in Eton Road, who Simon called "odd", is the only one worth watching as far as we're concerned. He's cute, quirky and can actually sing, plus he's only 17, (aaaw). The others are so dull they make him stand out even more so they'll probably do better than the other groups because of him, but ONLY because of him. Then of course we've got 4Sure, who are just as dull as their pathetic name. We're 4Sure they'll be out before week 4. There's really not much we can say about pant-wetting, mummy-boy whingers The MacDonald Brothers either.  They were so  boring on Saturday I went to the kitchen to pour more wine and look at the cupboard for five minutes. Yawn.  Sorry Louis, but you're working with some duds this year. Still, if there has to be a fave it's Eton Road. Yay Eton Road!

If you're still hung up on last year's contestants, X FACTOR LIVE TOUR tickets are on sale now at lastminute.com.
Get yours today from just £25  

how hammy is Spamalot?

"When you're chewing on life's gristle, don't grumble, give a whistle..." Good advice indeed. But when it comes to processed goods, is this Monty Python extravaganza looking tasty, or should Spamalot be left on the shelf?

What’s it like?
Just like that suspicious canned meat that tortured many a childhood lunchbox, Spamalot is nothing you can really describe until you’ve tried a slice. But to be fair, from the name, you know we’re not talking Shakespeare. In fact, if it’s at all possible, this stage show is even more ridiculous than the films and TV shows, which got the world spouting such nonsensical utterings as “ni” and banging on about shrubberies. Terry Gilliam's world-renowned Python animation style reigns supreme across the stage, (including the giant foot), and any fan won’t fail to be impressed with the surreal scenery.  Oh, and Eric Idle’s score will have you in stitches, so don’t sip your sneaky bev unless you’ve prepped yourself not to spit it all over the row in front!

What’s it about?
Billed as a loving rip off of Monty Python and the Holy Grail, Spamalot basically revolves around the rather long-winded quest for the afore-mentioned article, with a whole host of stupidity along the way.  All the best Python gags are in there, including “The Bright Side of Life”, the Bringing out the Dead bit, (complete with a new song), the knights who say Ni and the infamous Round Table - now a glitzy casino affair complete with cabaret. 

Who’s in it?
The Lady of the Lake, who only gets a tiny mention in the film, plays a leading role here and adding impeccable comic timing and stitch-inducing musical warbling to the part is actress Hannah Waddingham.  She plays the love interest of King Arthur, brought to life by the loveable Tim Curry, who’s probably best known for his role as Dr. Frank N. Furter in The Rocky Horror Picture Show (1975). Tom Goodman-Hill also stars as the devilishly handsome Sir Lancelot and Robin Hands gives good as the nice but dim Sir Robin.  It’s a cracking cast, actually. And although it will undoubtedly be viewed as less glam once Curry departs, the laugh-a-minute madness will more than make up for it.

What should I look for?
Diehard fans won’t miss the nod to the Lumberjack Song, reworked as a number with a different tune entitled “We are not dead yet”. About 70% of the two hour show relies on the best bits of the film, actually, but not surprisingly no one seems to care. This is definitely for the person who wouldn’t be seen dead singing along to a musical soundtrack. And why bother with the tunes anyway, when it’s easier to recite the dialogue you spent most of the 70s learning?

So what’s the verdict?
This is one for the people who’ve come to London to be entertained but can’t be bothered with a Llyod Webber slush-fest.  It’s hard to find fault with a Monty Python escapade because if anyone argues that ”it doesn’t have a plot”, well, it’s not supposed to, really.  “It doesn’t make sense!”  Well, of course it doesn’t.  “The sets are all wonky!”  Durr, they’re supposed to be.  Just go along in a good mood and don’t rain on anyone’s parade.  Monty Python has the kind of cult following that can’t be argued with; not on the telly, not in the cinema, and definitely not on the stage.  Even if you do object to a hundred strangers shouting “Ni” at each other during the interval. - Becky Wicks

To book your Spamalot tickets click here

life in a Landmark of luxury...

I've not had much luck with hotels lately.  After the 'African incident' when we didn't even have a telly in the room - (I KNOW... what kind of hotel doesn't have a telly??), I found that my view of five star luxury had somewhat been tarnished. Then came the hotel in Barcelona.  Having been promised a balcony with stunning views we were slightly miffed to find a large window, which, if we cocked our head to the right and stood on a chair, presented us with a partially obscured view of a Gothic building.

Still, perhaps I was looking too far away from home.  Let's be honest, when you're on holiday it's not absolutely essential to be pandered over at every turn. Some hotels are meant for nothing more than sleeping,... or if you're lucky enough to have another half... perhaps a little of something else.  But, really, if you want to spend a little while in the lap of luxury, you should perhaps look no further than your very own city.

We've just discovered the 5* Landmark in London.  And oh my, what a difference a country makes. Not only do the rooms have televisions, they've all got cable/satellite and pay-to-view movies too.  Wow. Er... not that you should spend too much time on those however. There's the hotel to explore.  Right oppposite Marylebone Station, this is one of London's most luxurious hotels and oozes that classic, British elegance that only Lady Di could emit as effortlessly.  If it's delux grandeur  you're after, and a little indulgent pampering, the Landmark invites you in, eases you into your complimentary slippers and serves you the finest champagne in your room before asking you out to dinner.  Bliss.

Oh, you might want to head to the Mirror Bar first, for a pre-dinner aperitif. Opened in late 2005, this sumptuous stop is created in a style reminiscent of the hotel’s Victorian heritage, and finished in a selection of decorative mirrors in which you can inspect your make-up, daaahling. From Cognac to Champagne, sexy staff and cigars, heading here before the restaurant sure beats watching Emmerdale while your dinner nukes in the microwave. 

What's to eat, we hear you cry. Well, from traditional afternoon tea, to themed banquets for over 300 people, the Winter Garden Restaurant is staffed by people who know how to deliver.  If you're here anyway, you should probably spoil yourself with something A la Carte. From Pan Fried Froi Gras, to Beignets of Cornish Crab, to Fillet of Buccleuch Beef, there's always a ton of yummy posh stuff you can't quite pronounce. Mmmmm. That's when you know it's good.

After a post-dinner drink in The Cellars it might be time for bed. No?  Well there's always Oxford Circus down the street if you've got your dancing shoes strapped on tight.

We reckon The Landmark is probably one of London's most fabulous ways to play posh for a weekend. Who needs shoddy Barcelona balcony efforts and telly-less bedrooms when you can have such luxurious fun on your very doorstep? - Becky Wicks

To be in with your chance to win a weekend in The Landmark, tell us which train station is right opposite the hotel. Enter the competition here

Come to the Cabaret...

A port-hole window opens half way up the glittering safety-curtain and the smiling bleach-white face of the master of ceremonies peers out at the crowd – he sings in a cracked, world-worn voice “Wilkommen, Bienvenue, Welcome...”. This is the surreal opening number in a musical that really defies many expectations. You can often get a sense, in musical theatre, that the plot is secondary to the songs - just a line to peg them on. Of course, that was never going to be the case with Cabaret and anyone who has seen the film will be aware of both the human and political passion in the story.

What’s it about?
The story is set in 1930s Berlin where English wannabe-starlet Sally Bowles (Anna Maxwell-Martin) sings night after night at that infamous den of iniquity the Kit Kat Club. Clifford Bradshaw (Michael Hayden), the (almost) wholesome American abroad, stumbles into the scene and becomes embroiled in the dark, seedy society where sex, drugs and money are king. Add to this seething underbelly the growing presence of the clone-like Nazis and we see the gleeful atmosphere of hedonistic pleasure begin to fall apart and give way to something altogether more sinister.

What’s it like?
Rufus Norris’s West-End staging is incredibly physically expressive. The choreography (Javier De Frutos) is amazing, capturing the sexual depravity of the scene in a crass and brutal physical reality, which in its complete lack of boundaries becomes almost asexual. The chorus dancers seem at times like the grubby bottom-dwellers they portray and at other times, strangely ethereal - like tortured souls writhing in hell. All of which makes the performance sound far more academic than it is. This is a truly enjoyable play not just for it’s cleverness and delicate ambiguity but also because the characters are truly believable and engaging.
A perfect example is the relationship between the aging couple, Fraulein Schneider and Herr Schultz, which is genuinely touching and stands in stark contrast to the giddy promiscuity around.Nothing is too simple in this play - there's no bludgeoning the audience with moral messages and no attempt to create justice by the end. Which is why it's so tragic.

Who’s in it?
If you think you recognise Sally Bowles, it’s because Anna Maxwell-Martin recently won a BAFTA for her lead role in Bleak House (BBC series). If you think you recognise the ghoulish Emcee, you might put a policeman’s hat on that sloppily painted face and realise that it’s James Dreyfus, who’s most famous for his role as Constable Kevin Goody in the Thin Blue Line. Perhaps not the biggest stars ever to hit Theatreland, but, taking on such strongly characterised roles, it’s probably just as well. I can’t imagine the usual B-list pop-stars-cum-newfound-actors surviving in such a passionate and often austere piece of theatre.

Who’d enjoy it?
You’ll enjoy Cabaret whether you’ve seen the film or not. In fact, you may even enjoy it more if the tragic storyline is entirely new to you. If you’re looking for a light-hearted piece of family entertainment you certainly won’t find it here. However, if you like beefy, thought-provoking, emotionally-charged, dryly humorous but ultimately tragic entertainment then Cabaret is the one for you.

What should I look for?
If the show comes with any warnings it’s that there is complete (yes, full-frontal male and female) nudity at times. Which the prude in me tried to class as gratuitous but couldn’t (when  you see the ending you’ll understand why). Also it’s very low on the average musical cheese-factor – there are a limited number of “belters” and far fewer jazz hands. 

Verdict
I loved it. It’s the sort of performance you’ll watch and then want to stay up all night talking about.

Sara Sha'ath

ooo la la - Chez Gerard Dover Street

If you fancy a little french cuisine you could do a lot worse than Chez Gerard, Dover Street. In fact, it is so good that we have chosen it as October's restaurant of the month.

It’s all about the ambience – This is just as you would imagine a French restaurant should be…. cosy and intimate but still a little bit chic. And just to get your mouth-watering a little you can watch the sumptuous steaks being cooked on the grill beside the bar.

Get your map out – located in the back streets of delightful Mayfair Chez Gerard is a short stroll from The Ritz, Green Park and the Queen’s residence not to mention being only a hop, skip and a jump from Piccadilly Circus too.

Nosh and beverages – After we had selected a bottle of their finest Sancerre from the plentiful French wine list (I would thoroughly recommend it) we then settled to the delights of the main menu. If you fancy a steak then you are in the right place but there is plenty more to this menu than just beef.

I chose the thick, juicy asparagus for starters which was delightful whilst my two friends tucked into the king prawns with a lemon and parsley sauce. Whilst the starters were an easy choice when it came to choosing the main course there were many more dilemmas. Should I go for the cod, or the veal or the lamb or the fish panache, decisions decisions. Eventually I plumped for the medallions of beef with grilled flat mushrooms, which was cooked to perfection and melted in the mouth, just divine. My friends both chose the grilled veal escalope that was also lovely.

Then we come to the piece de resistance; there was no messing around when it came to pudding. Tarte au citron, in my opinion, has to be the best pudding in the world and Chez Gerard’s tarte did not disappoint. My friend chose the crepe suzette that was delicious too. If you can say one thing about the French, they know how to do dessert.

And tonight your waiter is – the staff were all very attentive and catered to our every whim.

Wallet welfare – If you become tempted by the chateau-briand then your wallet might take a little bit of a battering but overall the price is very reasonable considering the quality of the food. If you go for the set menu then your wallet will be very happy indeed, in fact it will almost feel like you are robbing the restaurant to be receiving such delicious food at such a tiny tiny price.

Overall – ooh la la. This finest French fare is not to be missed. Give your stomach a treat and book now.

Chez Gerard, Dover Street - three courses and wine £15.95

Review by Claire Taylor

a taste of Tuttons...

It’s always a laugh isn’t it, sitting in the middle of a top London tourist attraction and watching the somewhat confused, awe-struck masses wander past.  Right on the piazza, opposite the flower market and overlooking the Royal Opera House, brasserie style restaurant and bar,Tuttons is the place to see and be seen in Covent Garden.

For almost 30 years, the cosmopolitan cuisine in this people-watching paradise has been drawing the crowds from London’s theatre-loving West End. I went along having read several reviews and was fully expecting the hustling, bustling busyness that greeted us when we walked inside. It’s not exactly the spot for a quiet meal, but there’s a sort of romance to be found in chattering to your dining companion above the roar of an enthusiastic crowd. This is London.  It’s exciting, it’s welcoming, it’s buzzing, just like our waiter, Michael. 

Michael greeted us with a smile and a menu and pointed out the special’s board behind us from our perfect seat in the window.  During the summer, the tables at Tuttons spill out onto the pavement, bringing diners even closer to the vibrant piazza.  You won’t want to come too early for dinner – Covent Garden is truly at its finest when locals, tourists and entertainments are rushing their way to the surrounding venues and between 6 and 10.30 is the perfect time to catch some unsuspecting fool in a pair of high heels trip up on the paving slabs. Evil yes, but hilarious all the same.   

From the vast and enticing Modern European menu I chose the grilled, fresh tuna with nicoise salad a tarragon vinaigerette.  Warm buttered beans hit my tongue, rendered even fresher by the crispy salad and soft tuna.  My friend chose the seabass with summer greens, lemon and coriander.  Both were exceptional and served with a smile, friendly banter and a delicious chardonnay on ice.  I was full by dessert – we had tons of bread – but how could I resist the calorific naughtiness of the sticky toffee pudding?  As my thighs expanded and I slyly undid the top button on my jeans I thought what the hell, and took another mouthful.

Tuttons is great for a date, take the guy or gal you’re looking to impress and soak up London charm at its best.  Or if you’re off to a show nearby, give it a whirl for a night of total city style.

Tuttons Brasserie, London - two course from á la carte menu with a chilled glass of Prosecco, £15 per person - BOOK NOW

Katie gets Hoodwinked...

Katie was excited to get an invite to the premiere of Hoodwinked last weekend. But she wasn't expecting to carry with her a big bad wolf of a hangover...

What do you get when you cross Little Red Riding Hood, a Big Bad Wolf, a granny with big hair and a handful of ex-Big Brother housemates? Complete and utter mayhem would be an accurate guess... throw a crowd of excitable children and a movie theatre into the mix and you've got a movie premiere.

Instead of gowns, the guests of honour wore fairy wings and glitter-encrusted pumps, apple juice replaced champagne and the noise level in Leicester Square's VUE cinema went up a few hundred decibels. “But muuuuum, I want popcorn!”.  After a big night out, this was the epitome of headache central... luckily, the animated movie in question, 'Hoodwinked' packed enough kiddie punches to keep the rabble quiet. Let's face it - that's exactly what the mums and dads of the world want.

For the childless, Hoodwinked may not be on the top of your 'must see before I hit the grave' list, but if you have a slightly oddball sense of humour this film may be for you.  I'd never really wondered what my favourite fairytale characters would look like when up to their eyeballs on crack. On Sunday, I found out.

Unlike your usual Simbas, Little Mermaids and Aladdins the characters in Hoodwinked are not particularly cute. Sure, they've got the big eyes, goofy expressions and lovely little noses... but these wood dwellers have an attitude to boot. The story is set in the aftermath of the Little Red Riding Hood story. The forest police critters are sent to investigate a disturbance at Granny's house (did I mention she’s a wrinkly adrenaline junkie?). The mystery that follows takes us on four different journeys. Granny (Glenn Close), the Big Bad Wolf (Patrick Warburton), the Woodsman (Jim Belushi) and Red (Anne Hathaway) all describe their movements on the day of the ‘crime’.

I found the storyline hard to follow - sure, it may have been the hangover but it didn't seem to faze the youngsters around me. They whooped, cheered and hung on to every scene... eyeballs wide in awe. Through my own drooping eyelids, I managed to catch the general drift. The 'camera work' is fast paced and action packed and the hyperactive squirrel scenes are a stroke of cinematic genius.

Creators Cory and Todd Edwards, take CGI animation to the next level. They also throw in a good old dose pop culture references and jokes for the oldies in the audience.

If you've got kids, go. If you don't... give it a try - just leave your hangover at home.

By Katie Spain

Book cinema tickets here

Chris gets Wicked for Charity...

Our number one Wicked fan, Christopher Gough from London has been mingling online with other fans of the show. On the 19th of September he attended A WICKED night out at the EJAF Charity Gala Performance.  Here's the lowdown in his own words...

Martin Ball (Dr Dillamond in ‘Wicked’) has done a fantastic job in satisfying the appetites of the legion of ‘Wicked’ fans out there by feeding us all moreish titbits about the show’s progress in his (now famous) blog. So much so, that the desire to join in and post some words of encouragement and praise has become infectious! After seeing a couple of previews of the show, I could not resist using Martin’s site to post the odd amateur review – without thinking about how many people out there get to read this stuff!

The next thing I know, e-mails are rolling in from other ‘Ozians’ with questions and comments. Great! Among them was Steve Wenk from Chicago Illinois who e-mailed to say that he was bringing his twin daughters to London specifically to see the Charity Gala Performance and attend the post-show dinner. Steve asked me for the odd bit of travel advice, which I was pleased to impart – and we arranged to meet up on 19 September. As luck would have it, Steve and family were sitting in the row in front of me at the theatre. Steve’s daughters were really excited about seeing Idina Menzel as ‘Elphaba’ (they have their ‘own’ production of ‘Wicked’ in Chicago – but travelling 3,000 odd miles to see Idina was no problem for them at all!

The gala performance went without a hitch; the cast and orchestra got their well-deserved standing ovation; and many Ozians met up at the Bluebird Brasserie to toask a great show and raise funds for a worthy cause. An altogether WICKED night!

Christopher Gough

the wicked witch of the West End...

Acting as a host to Martin Ball’s Wicked Diary, lastminute.com has seen his blog reach the eyes of thousands of people all over the world. From the back streets of Acton to the wilds of Australia, a community of Wicked fans has been flourishing in the realm of cyberspace, brought together by their love of the show.  But what is it that makes Wicked so desirable? 

It’s being billed as the untold story of the witches of Oz and focuses on a time pre-Dorothy, when two very different girls, Glinda and Elphaba, become friends.  One oozes goodness and innocence from every pore, while the other was born green and possesses a talent for magic that knows no boundaries. Naturally, she turns "bad" and, as with every good story, there’s a man at the heart of it.  A rather sexy one at that – enter Adam Garcia as Fiyero, best known for his lead in Saturday Night Fever.

Perhaps Wicked’s popularity has something to do with the fact that the film The Wizard of Oz is a story many of us hold close to our hearts. Even the most hardcore musical hater can’t fail to be intrigued as to what could have possibly happened before the precocious little girl and her puppy wandered in from Kansas, whinging about her black and white home.

Perhaps it’s the music; the kind of score that tugs at every heartstring before making you snort your wine back out through your nose with laughter.  You’ll crease during ‘Popular’, when Glinda’s giving Elphaba a makeover, and bawl during ‘For Good’, when the unlikely friends realise they have to go their separate ways.

It could quite possibly be the cast in their exceptional, quirky costumes.  You really get a colourful taste of what it must be like to live over the rainbow and the continuous nods at the film will leave you smiling.  For example, the stripy stockings Nessa wears before ‘that unfortunate incident’ and the cocktail that’s served before the dialogue, “limes and apples and pears, oh my!” These and more serve as tiny but special reminders that we're witnessing the work of a protective force, who've strived to ensure the original legend of Oz doesn't get lost in the razzle and dazzle. In fact, the show will probably make you want to dig out the movie that inspired a hundred fantastical imaginings when you were a kid.  Perhaps the magic you used to believe in never really died? Perhaps it just comes in a hundred, slightly more achievable forms, as you grow up.

For example, Dorothy was a lost little girl, looking to find her way home.  In the end she found her true courageous self instead, and home was never quite the same again.  In Wicked, Elphaba, a champion of the underdog and fatefully misunderstood, realises the only way she can ever really be happy, is to say "screw what everyone else thinks" and as a result, the land of Oz is changed forever.  It must be a magical feeling indeed, to be totally satisfied with who you are, (aaaw, sniff)

The main star is reason alone to book this ticket. It's hard not to gape in awe at the award-winning Idina Menzel, belting out the number ‘Defying Gravity’ with such force it’s a wonder she doesn’t actually take off, with or without a broomstick.  London’s lucky to have her in the opening period. After drawing in the masses in New York  Idina’s living proof of the kind of talent all London musicals need to get on board in order to match Broadway’s stunning standards.  Wicked is probably one of the most vocally challenging shows out there.  You’ll come away humming the songs but chances are, if you try and belt them out the way they do on stage, you won’t be able to.  Even if you happen to be a fantastic singer. Just another sign of the quality, talent and professionalism needed (and discovered, luckily) to pull it off. 

Watch Wicked with a good glass of wine and a packet of hankies, and prepare to be spellbound.  It’s a magical masterpiece of musical theatre that’s bound to sell out every performance and close to a standing ovation, as it has done every night since the previews started.  Believe the hype.  Wicked is truly Wicked.  By Becky Wicks

Get your Wicked tickets here

And we thought Oyster was a good idea...

The Thames Festival: free fun for all
This is a massive Mayor of London organised event, which will spread along the South Bank and the river over the weekend. So what does our Ken have in store for us? Music? Art? Film? A giant novelty boat race? Oh yes, and much much more. To get the full listings down load a programme from the website – in the meantime here are the bits we think look the tastiest:

The great river race – watch over 2000 enthusiastic rowers paddle, punt and heave dozens of novelty vessels 22 miles down the Thames. Last year's entries ranged from Viking longboats to Chinese Dragon boats, so even if they’re not the fastest vessels on the water you can guarantee they’ll be the most resplendent. They’re expected to start crossing the finish line around midday so get down there in time to grab a little spot on the banks.

Music – on Saturday, twelve adult choirs performing by HMS Belfast will be ‘Singing for Water’ (to help bring clean water, sanitation and hygiene education to rural communities in Ghana and India). A worthy cause indeed and one championed further (as the baton is passed over on Sunday) by a 400 strong choir from 46 primary schools performing at The Scoop (by City Hall). Presumably, they'll be accompanied by an 800 strong crowd of mothers and grandmothers waving tear-dampened hankies at the angelic little tykes - so, if you want to catch it ,you might be advised to arrive a little before the start time of 1pm.

The Thames Beach – this summer has seen a few beaches springing up around the capital, not least our very own lastminute.com beach. This weekend join in making a sandcastle city or listen to some live music at Regnum’s Beach by The National Theatre. Alternatively, check out an eclectic music mix with free performances from 12-5pm by Festival Pier (Saturday only).

The night carnival – a glorious musical procession of lanterns, dance, floats and breathtaking costumery. A bit like Chinese New Year but with fewer dragons (though I imagine there may well be a couple). Victoria Embankment - Sunday evening, 7:00-9:45pm.

Firework display – any festival worth it’s salt climaxes in a big-budget firework spectacular. Head for the Thames at 9:45pm on Sunday to get your taxpayer’s dues. It might seem like the apocalypse to the fish, but Londoners will be enjoying the pretty sparkles for miles around.

www.thamesfestival.org