if you've got it, flaunt it. If you haven't, get off!

It's gonna be a tough one this year - they're already battling it out like fire-breathing dragons and on Saturday we lost all nineteen members of ugly-but-tuneful The Unconventionals.  OK, nineteen's an exaggerration but still, if they thought they could win by dragging up every aunt, uncle, neice, nephew and long cousin and putting a song together, they had another thing coming.

We're now left with an odd bunch indeed, and in my opinion, none of them match the talents of Will Young, that strange dustbin man from last year, or American Idol winners Kelly Clarkson, Carrie Underwood or Fantasia. America's a big country though. We have slimmer pickings. Still, in Simon's Group (16-24s) there is some hope...

Not in Ashley however, who sings like someone's put a peg on his nose and a stick up his bum.  Plus, he has a pretty miserable attitude, so we vote him off next. Raymond, although the youngest of the bunch murdered Jackson's Ben. Just coz he's a kid doesn't mean he should sing cheesy kid songs,... (tut). He won't last long unless they give him a meatier number to chew on, Sinatra for example,... he obviously wants to be the next "Probably working in McDonalds coz no one bought his album" Gareth Gates. Errr, why?

Nikita's pretty cool, although could we please lose the sob stories? OK so she's been through a hard time but so has half of Britain. Pity doesn't sell records.  Talent does - something which we reckon Leona has oodles of.  She's gorgeous, sweet and sings like an angel. Plus she's the bookie's favourite to win and I voted for her because I'd had two glasses of wine by then. Yay Leona!

In Sharon's group, (over 25s) it's sad to say but there's only one winner for us, and that's Ben, the rocker with the stupid hair. Lose the hair and unleash that personality, that's what we say. Ben's got a cute smile and Sting/Bon Jovi sound that takes us back to bed-jumping and singing into a hairbrush, the first time leggings were in fashion. Well, we suppose Kerry's an interesting case. Having been in a wheelchair for years, singing has always been her dream, and she plans to find different ways of singing, ie, getting carried by hot men, sprawling in a piano, etc etc. It's nice to have her in the competition, and sure, we're rooting for her, but she doesn't really have a memorable voice and rather looks like a teacher. As for Robert, he's nothing we haven't seen before, in fact, I can't even remember too much about him, and while Dionne is cool, last year's Brenda had the same sort of style and was miles better. So it's Ben all the way if Sharon's gonna win. Yay Ben!

Loui's group, (the groups), are quite frankly, all excruitiangly boring this year. Having lost The Unconventionals we're left with three uninspiring boy bands and let's face it, does Britain really need another boy band? Did we even need another one after Take That, while we're on the subject? Hmmm. Anyway, the gay guy, Anthony, in Eton Road, who Simon called "odd", is the only one worth watching as far as we're concerned. He's cute, quirky and can actually sing, plus he's only 17, (aaaw). The others are so dull they make him stand out even more so they'll probably do better than the other groups because of him, but ONLY because of him. Then of course we've got 4Sure, who are just as dull as their pathetic name. We're 4Sure they'll be out before week 4. There's really not much we can say about pant-wetting, mummy-boy whingers The MacDonald Brothers either.  They were so  boring on Saturday I went to the kitchen to pour more wine and look at the cupboard for five minutes. Yawn.  Sorry Louis, but you're working with some duds this year. Still, if there has to be a fave it's Eton Road. Yay Eton Road!

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