Two collagen lips and a liposuctioned thigh please. No, not a sick and twisted KFC menu - just the newsletter ladies' wish list after another day in the office left us feeling less women, more beasts. Throw in a side order of boob job and a dash of tummy tuck and we might feel half human.
Ok, so the extreme makeover might be a tad far-fetched - we like to think we're not total mingers, but we were still in desperate need of a few tweaks. With hope in our hearts we signed ourselves up for an afternoon in the care of new<id, who offered us all a haircut, makeover and photo shoot in the comfort of their luxurious Soho studios.
So off we all trekked one foggy Tuesday afternoon, complete with hangovers and unsightly mascara blotches - a gift from the relentless London rain. I admit I even had muffin crumbs in my hair after a good Benjy's breakfast went astray. Lovely.
We were welcomed by smiling, (and extremely good looking) staff at the new >id headquarters - ushered in from the elements and treated instantly with sparkling glasses of Bucks Fizz. How did they know? A few hairs of the old dog were highly appreciated, let me tell you.
The haircuts were first. Just a trim for us - the Mohawks would have lost appeal after the 'fun' photo shoot, although the temptation for a perm was great - did you know they're coming back into fashion?! We practically fell asleep during the head-massages but stayed awake long enough to polish off several more bottles of Bucks Fizz and advise the stylists on required volume for the curls in our hair.
Once adequate bounce had been achieved, it was downstairs to the make-up room, where I had the pleasure of chatting to a gorgeous French artist about her exciting freelance work for fashion models, movie stars and the like. Wow. My eyes were as big as saucers, my skin like a porcelain doll, my lashes as thick as I felt in the head after my 23rd Bucks Fizz...this was getting better and better...
Next it was nails. Sonia and Verity's were glistening visions of sparkly smoothness, but I unfortunately have few nails that aren't chipped and I smudged my varnish twice trying to get my mobile phone out of my handbag. Doh. Luckily the lady just smiled and re-painted them, obviously used to such foolish catastrophes. Looking at them I vowed never to bite them again. Well, at least for the rest of the day.
Once complete, and after the 37th glass of Bucks Fizz, we made it into the photo studio, where the young (and trés trés hot) photographer tried his best to ignore the hurricane of bras, trousers, stockings and wine glasses that was whirling its way around him. We went through four outfit changes each and all initial embarrassment at draping ourselves over a chair, humping a wooden blind or curling round a banister with a sultry pout soon faded. Posing dramatically, Verity's hunger for capturing cleavage enhancing arm positions was insatiable, and Sonia relished the chance to snap herself in every boyfriend's wet-dream shot - clutching a pair of machine guns against a camouflage backdrop. Eat your heart out Lara Croft, newsletter tomb raiders reign supreme.
About five hours and 97 bottles of Bucks Fizz later we were finally ushered into a room to inspect the photos, most of which made us look amazing. Not a bitten nail or Benjy's muffin crumb in sight. We ordered a few each to pin up at our desks, just to remind us (and our dubious colleagues) that we can indeed look beautiful.
And you know what - when we got them delivered to the office a few days later, all neatly bound inside a lovely portfolio of model-like quality, it became apparent that what Max-Factor couldn't fix, Photoshop certainly could.
Get 2 for the price of 1 on a deluxe makeover here, just £39
Hi if there was a group of 2 and another group of 2 can we go together its my mate and our mums. Please can you let me know.
Posted by: sarah | 10/11/2006 at 03:17 PM