Something For The Weekend

Festival fever down South

It's an age old debate - what part of London is the best? The North of the Thames or the South?

Well, it looks like the South dwellers come out on top this week.  If you happen to live in Streatham you're in luck... the Streatham Festival kicks off on Thursday the 6th of June and carries on until Sunday the 16th. 

If Big Brother and noshing on Pot Noodles is all you've got planned for the weekend then shame on you. Get off the sofa, get out of the house and get your butt down to Streatham.

There's something for everyone. Last year, thousands of people took up the opportunity to participate in a huge variety of events including music, dance, art, poetry, film, theatre, walks, talks, open days, sports and comedy. This year there'll be more culture than you'll know what to do with - the hardest part is deciding what you want to see.

There's a BBQ garden party for the over 50's, parades, jazz extravaganzas, Brazilian festivities, inspirational talks, street dance, soulful summer grooves, heritage walks Shakespeare and even a film festival.  Phew - I need a lie down just talking about it all.

Our little lastminute.com air-wave addict Katie, will even host a radio show highlighting the events. Post your song requests and shout outs in the comments section at the bottom of this post.

For more info and a full list of events, check out the official website

Mug shots with a difference

Some people have all the talent... you know the type: beauty, brains and a barrel of talent.

Rebecca Grant is one of the world's gifted people (if she wasn't so damn nice we'd hate her for it).  You might remember her from the West End play 'One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest' where she starred across from Hollywood 'hunk' Christian Slater and Alex Kingston (ER).  It turns out that Miss Grant can not only act, she does a pretty good job on a blank canvas too.

While most of us struggle to compose a smiley face, Rebecca whipped up a series of portraits for the cast members of the play and is planning to sell them to raise money for Asthma UK. There are 20 sketches in total, 5 separate drawings and a batch sale of 20 portraits. We'll be auctioning them on lastminute.com so watch this space for details of the auction and information on how you can bid.

Who knows, Rebecca could be the next 'Monet'; they say art investing is the next big thing and rumour has it that you'll have to get in quick before Christian buys them all...

See How They Run

What’s it like?
Philip King’s classic British comedy went away for 22 years and came back more stupid than ever. Well, stupid in quite a good way, as in it’s funny. Remember when your dad used to howl at Some Mothers Do ‘Ave Em, and you never quite understood what the fuss was all about? Why did he do all that stupid stuff? This is a bit like that, only now you’re all grown up you can actually appreciate the complete pointlessness of the actions that lead these characters into despair.

What’s it about?
Set in 1942 the play follows the residents of idyllic English village Merton-cum-Middlewick as they await the imminent German invasion. Don’t worry, it doesn’t go all depressing and war-time on you, in fact, the only thing German about the whole thing is a strange escaped prisoner with a dodgy accent who comes in to spice things up even more. There’s a nosy old neighbour who gets sloshed and falls over a lot, a dressing-gown clad bishop who spends the entire play asking what’s going on, a wayward ex-actress and her ‘friend from the stage’, plus a lot of vicars.  As uniforms are lost, invisible scotch is sipped, cupboards are closed containing semi naked parish people and someone strange lurks menacingly in the garden, you can’t help but wonder what else can possibly go wrong. And then, naturally, it does.

Who’s in it?
No one particularly famous, although the cast is probably better for it.  This is British farcical comedy at its best and needs no big names to reel us in.  Natalie Grady’s caricature-like maid, Ida is funny to watch, and Julie Legrand’s Mrs Skillon’s descent from stiff-upper-lipped nosy neighbour to inebriated, word slurring cupboard dweller is slapstick comedy at its most entertaining.

What should I look for?
The dog, Digby. Blink and you’ll miss him.

Verdict
Well you can’t get much sillier for a night out in London, really, except for maybe Avenue Q, but that’s a whole different league entirely. See How They Run is that show you’d see to remind yourself how 'very British' we used to be, and still probably are in the eyes of people who don’t know how much our country has changed, even since the 40’s. It’s bursting with stereotypes - the tea drinking, the snooty maid, the eccentric vicar, the vain soldier, the arrogant German… but it manages to pull it off simply because it’s set in a time that’s well and truly gone by.  The comic timing is impeccable, the detailed set of the house is inviting and the characters, stupid, exaggerated and old fashioned as they are will have you laughing like your dad over Frank Spencer. Ooooh, Betty!

Book tickets for SEE HOW THEY RUN from just £10

Katie on: city of rainbows

What do you get if you cross Sir Ian McKellen, Sir Elton John, Peter Tatchell and half a million gay and lesbian marchers?

A hell of a lot of fun for starters...

For the first time ever, the EuroPride Parade on Saturday 1st July 2006 will set off down the world famous Oxford Street.

Europride is Europe’s biggest gay and lesbian event, held in a different European city each year and this time, Londoners have drawn the lucky straw.

Put your glad rags on, Trafalgar Square won't know what's hit it when the crowds march in for the post parade rally. There'll be stalls, music, guest speakers, entertainment and muscles galore. If those red speedos are anything to go by, I'll be there for the eye candy alone.

The parade itself kicks of at Oxford Street at 1pm and will make its colourful way along Oxford Street to Oxford Circus, turning right down Regent Street to Piccadilly Circus; from there the route moves on to Trafalgar Square, along Whitehall to pass the Houses of Parliament, before dispersing along Victoria Embankment.  Not since the lumbering elephant exhibition have roads had such an excuse for closure.

There's also a Prides Against Prejudice Conference on Friday 30th June - open to all so check out the website for details.

Ooh la la.

where's the Hoff when you need him?

If you don’t mind getting a bit of sand in your cracks, there’s something cool a-coming to Finsbury Square on July 3rd. lastminute.com have decided that all work and no play makes Jack, Tom, Terry, Peter and,… well, all the workaholic males we can think of, extremely dull boys. And women who spend their lunch hours shoe shopping on eBay instead of frolicking in the sunshine? BORING.

So,… we’re setting up a beach in Finsbury Square from the 3rd – 7th July. We’ve even created our own sand from a zillion sprinkles of highly difficult to obtain fairy dust, so bring your buckets and spades. Unfortunately we had to cancel the ocean-import order due to the hosepipe bans and some arrogant bloke from the council, but still, it could be very nice if you bring some bottled water and throw it on your friends instead. Especially the ladies in white shirts – (tip for blokes - this season’s fashions are tantalisingly transparent. Just add water).

As well as lots of lovely sand to bury your most hated colleague in, there’s a ton of groovy stuff going on all week. We’ll be attempting to beat the Guinness World Record for the world’s biggest beach ball. There will also be fitness demonstrations from our waaaay-too-hot-to-be-real friends at Homes Place, a beach fashion show by Chantelle (OH MY GOD) and beach games including swing ball, boules and a Giant Connect 4. You can even eat your way through your lunch box to the sounds of International DJ Rob Chapman, or hold out for the Bongo maestro Dan Cross of Ondo. No, seriously.

All we need now is the Hoff belting out pop songs in a pair of circa 1982 speedos and we’d have the whole thing to ourselves.  He was busy making dodgy music videos for Germany though, so it’s sure to reel in a crowd. 

Don’t miss a taste of the tropics right here in Blighty. Lunch breaks don’t get any better than this where you work!

All aboard for some nautical nosh...

***RESTAURANT OF THE MONTH***

Café Fish - 36-40 Rupert Street, London, W1D 6DW

Being English we know a good portion of fish and chips when we see one.  But perhaps the thing to look for in a restaurant serving seafood, is the absence of that fishy fragrance when you first walk in.  That’s how you know it’s all fresh.  Reassuringly there’s no such smell in Café Fish - even though the first thing you notice when you cross the threshold of this roomy restaurant are the generous plates of lobster, crab, cockles and mussels being handed over the counter from the kitchen. Being at the front there’s no disguising the chef’s antics – they’ll even shoot you a smile if they find a spare second between frying, dicing, shelling and slicing those oceanic delights. Mmm, my mouth was watering before I even sat down!

It’s hard to decide on a starter once you’ve been served a basket of freshly baked breads and salmon pate to tease the tastebuds. Our own little spot last night was at the base of a giant ship-shaped wall in the corner of the back section – the perfect place to people-watch and observe the live jazz pianist in action.  After an uuuming and aaahing session, during which we downed half a bottle of Chardonnay, I decided on the scallops and Thai noodles (squidgy and soft, yummy with the sesame seed sauce). Dan chose the crab fishcakes, which were a little crispy on the outside and warm and fluffy in the middle – a bit like him, really.  They worked a treat with the dipping sauce (and another half bottle of wine, of course).

We liked the way the tables were situated quite close to each other, so that everyone could stare in envy at their neighbours’ food! It made the place quite an intimate and enjoyable escape from the usual West End Theatre haunts.  As we guzzled our mains of Mexican style monkfish and giant tiger prawns with crunchy mange tout, it looked as though everyone else was more than satisfied with their menu choices, too.  We watched plate after plate of delicious seafood arrive and vanish as the restaurant buzzed with a holiday atmosphere – perhaps it comes naturally with the seaside theme?

We loved the shiny bar and bar stools against the white-washed walls and flickering candles. Backed up with the jazz, Café Fish held a laid back Rat Pack ambience, easily romantic and definitely relaxed.  Plus, the prices (especially with the special offer through lastminute.com) were more than justified for the size and quality of the food.  Oh, and if you’ve never tried strawberries soaked in balsamic vinegar, make sure you give it a go. Trust me, it’s a taste sensation I wasn’t expecting at all.

Get a three course set menu with a complimentary glass of wine at Café Fish for just £15.95 

Mystic eye on July...

July will bring new and unexpected events to us all. The mystic eye can see into  your future and help you through the month to come*:

Aries 
With Saturn, the “rebellious minion”, in the most volatile area of your chart, it’s best to be cautious around those whom you’ve always considered inferior. One particularly inadequate acquaintance may well show you something you’d rather he kept tucked away.

Taurus
July bodes terribly for the clumsier Taurus. Be sure not to walk under ladders, open umbrellas indoors or “accidentally” miscalculate expenses.

Gemini
The twin in your life may not be biological but they definitely exist. You may already know your twin – seek them out by comparing dreams, fixations and vital statistics with friends.

Cancer
This July you’ll be struck by a growing curiosity connected with new events in your professional life. Just remember that if you open Pandora’s box you may well see Pandora’s lunch.

Leo
July is a time to try new things, embrace changes that may be happening around you and take the plunge where you’ve been hesitant. Those considering a change of career, spouse or gender should take courage and hormone supplements.

Virgo
With Jupiter, the “effeminate father”, in your chart this month you’ll find trouble is on the warpath. To avoid apocalyptic misfortune, you must make every effort to evade eye contact with colleagues and figures of authority.

Libra
Due to an incredibly rare alignment of the planets, July will be a storming success in both your personal and professional life. You’ll find new strengths and hidden talents that leave you feeling satiated and empowered. Enjoy it while it lasts because life can only plummet downhill from here on.

Scorpio
As a Scorpio you are naturally pre-disposed to slothfulness and vice. Keep your raging appetites in check this month by taking life in smaller bites.

Sagittarius
In July, the fragrant aroma of success will follow you round like a faithful Labrador. You’ll notice people standing closer in lifts, queues and on public transport. Be sure to inform them that the whiff is the external manifestation of your inner beauty and not, therefore, transferable.

Capricorn

This month, something you make with your hands will be at the centre of a heated controversy. You’ll find unexpected gratification both in public denial and a well-timed intimate confession. 

Aquarius
As Venus, the goddess of ill-advised infatuations, enters your chart the end of July your personal life could become a little hairy. Remember that although waxing is painful, it's always preferable to an itchy re-growth.

Pisces
As a Pisces you are naturally loyal and protective. However, in July it’s best to allow captive loved-ones to see family and friends, and to let the dog off the lead when indoors.

*Horoscopes are based on a combination of painstaking astrological study and ungrounded speculation.

Roaring drunk: Jeffrey Bernard is Unwell

Women, drinking, gambling. As nights out go, seeing Jeffrey Bernard Is Unwell at the Garrick is right up there with Ant and Dec’s stag do for Bacchanalian excess. Swigging from a bottle of vodka throughout, Tom Conti’s Jeffrey Bernard is an urbane alcoholic raconteur, recounting his tales of a life lived with a lingering regret that is never close enough to the surface to spoil a good alcohol-hazed yarn.

Bernard, for the uninitiated, was a journalist of the old school. Long liquid lunches, endless reams of acquaintances and crippling hangovers which often led to unwritten columns, hence the title of the play. Infuriating to editors – he lost his job on Sporting Life after vomiting in front of the Queen Mother – but beloved to readers for his wit, insight and unflinchingly honest depiction of roaring 60s Soho, Bernard was one of a kind. A man ill equipped to deal with anything as perfunctory as day-to-day life or a stable relationship, and yet utterly aware of his own failings.

Keith Waterhouse’s script revolves around a morning after the night before, with Bernard locked in his favourite Soho boozer, the Coach And Horses, having fallen asleep in the gents. As he waits for famously rambunctious landlord Norman to let him out, he slips into reminiscing his rollercoaster life, from his early forays into theatre, to falling out with his various wives, via having his collar felt by the law for illegal bookmaking.

Essentially a one man show, Conti is perfectly cast as the amiable rogue, all knowing glances and raised eyebrows at the ridiculousness of life and his inability to stop being led into temptation from every angle. The supporting set of roles are played out with aplomb, whether playing the women in his life – ‘You make me sick Jeff’ – or drinking and gambling buddies, Bernard revelling in his self-made role as friend to Soho’s wastrels, be them actors, aristocracy or alchies.

Underpinning the lunacy of Swinging London is the poignant sight of man steadily losing his friends to the ravages of age, drink or a lit cigarette in bed and maybe, just maybe, hinting that he would have liked to have done things differently. All of which makes this a West End staple with legs. Which is more than you could say for Jeff Bernard.

Tickets for Jeffrey Bernard is unwell from £20

Puppet-society shows it's funny, furry underbelly

Prudes, churls and the straight-laced beware! Somewhere in the x-rated depths of London’s
West End, there’s a horde of neon-furred monsters and anatomically-active puppets boozing, schmoozing and reproducing their way to tragicomic glory. Avenue Q, the rampant display of smutty puppetry you didn’t know you’d been waiting for has opened at the Noël Coward Theatre and looks set to be a sell-out.

So what’s it all about? Well, there’s a black one, a gay one, a Jewish one, a prudish one, a housebound pervert, an out-and-out slut… stop me when you can see where this is heading. The main concept of the show revolves around the perversion of wholesome childhood entertainment – TV programmes like Sesame St. While the translation of the saccharine-sweet moral dilemmas of the kids TV shows to the soap-opera-esque “real-life” escapades of the Avenue Q characters is obviously a big jump, it’s actually amazing how similar the adult-version is - they still moralise (with songs like “Everyone’s a Little Bit Racist” and “It’s Ok to be Gay”) and you still feel a surprising empathy with the main characters. In fact, rather than a derisive mockery of infant entertainment, the show feels more like a joyful indulgence in a very straightforward form of amusement.  The leap from screen to stage is also surprisingly successful from a technical point of view; there’s no attempt to hide the “magician behind the curtain” and although at first it’s hard not to pay more attention to the actors, after a few minutes the puppets really seem to take on a life of their own and the two heads almost morph into one united character in your mind’s eye. The staging is cleverly compacted, live behind-the-scenes musicians add depth to the sound, the actors are very versatile and overall it’s a consummately slick production.

Avenue Q is not a sophisticated exposé of the modern condition, the humour isn’t dryly ironic and you won’t find poetry in the puppetry – so don’t expect it. What you should expect is a very American comedy (complete with George Bush and anti-Canadian jokes), which they have wisely avoided Europeanising for the London staging. It’s an all-singing, all-dancing explosion of a show with a massive feel-good factor largely attributable to the highly talented cast. It gets top marks for the sheer camp showmanship and, most importantly, it’s a real giggle… just don’t take your gran.

Get in the Q - buy tickets here.

Want to find out more? Visit the Avenue Q site

Sara Sha'ath

Notting Hill's hidden gem...

The Gate (Notting Hill)

This underground bar is discreetly tucked away beneath The Gate Cinema. So discreetly, in fact, that it’s quite hard to find. Inside, the place has an air of exclusivity not entirely attributable to the elusive entrance (though that probably helps); it’s a sleek, chic hangout with a décor that still smacks of its previous members-only status. Sophisticated mood lighting and a live dj set the standard, which the tapas-style menu meets with ease. The dishes are small but delicious, particularly the garlic king prawns and the butternut squash gnocchi with goat cheese, which were both seriously tasty. Though the food is good, and not overpriced, you can tell from the layout that this is primarily a bar/club with a dominant dancefloor and a sexy-looking cocktail bar enflamed in blue lights.

The cocktails themselves take a reassuring length of time to arrive – when they do they’re well-presented, carefully made and extremely potent. All in all, The Gate is the sort of place you’d want to take a second date – young and stylish with an edge to impress.

Sara Sha'ath